she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got inside last night via doggy door
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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