I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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