i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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