I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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