HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
