Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
