The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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