what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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