If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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