I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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