He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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