i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
