Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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