Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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