I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
