i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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