her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We are two peas in an std pod
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
