I wannas sexs uuuuu
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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