you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
