her vagine was all disorganized.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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