why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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