So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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