That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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