Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
