the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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