I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
