We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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