11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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