theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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