I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
