can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
soo... how was my night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
