I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
