i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The power of my boobs compel you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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