two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
