So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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