I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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