Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
