hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
