My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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