I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
