my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
