I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
