maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
