If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
