Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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