Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
