News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
ttyl tear gas
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
