About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
