Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
