i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?