my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.