We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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