dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
