so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.