I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
