You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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