Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
