youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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