So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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