Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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