I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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