The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
