If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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