Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
