So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
