I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
