Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
