You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
