Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
