how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
