Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
