I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
