he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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