soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
