Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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